Crushing the "you can't do that" voice

16th Jan 2015 I have been pushing my luck all week. And now I am paying for it but in a positive way. I am Sat here snuggled on a sofa with my non op hip (old lefty) resting on a cushion, in the TV room at Hotel Alpe in St Martin De Belleville, 3 valleys, France.,at the end of a skiing holiday. This time last year, my Facebook status read "feeling like I do have two legs after all" I was just starting to weight bear on my right leg and reduce down to one crutch. Yesterday, I ski'd 10 miles from a height of 2400m. It was a challenge, I am only just out of snow plough and into parallel skiing, I still have that fearsome moment when the next section looks so steep the skiers in front look like ants, but I pushed on. There is something awesome about beating that little voice that says "you can't do that, who do you think are for even  attempting this , don't be silly, you need to stop now "that voice has been winning over for a while now and yesterday  I suppressed that voice and I did it, feeding the part of me that is actually pretty much a determined dare devil. The part of me that longs to gallop full pelt along the beach on my horse again, the part of me that wants to climb snowdon mountain again. The part of me that secretly longs to do a parachute jump. The part of me limited in recent years by hip & back pain. As I wooshed down a particularly straight section, reaching that point that your face stings with the cold wind, that point where you are only just in control, I felt like the old me. That I was crushing that voice who try's to convince me I can't. Well actually I can. 

But now, That's me done skiing for this year my un operated hip (old lefty) has woken up in a very bad mood. On the positive side, I now know the surgery on my right hip was worth it, as it feels great! Onwards and upwards, I am so so very grateful for what I have been able to do and mountain tops I have seen this week....hopefully by this time next year I'll be well on my way to a matching pain free pair.

Now I do appreciate that I am very lucky to be able to ski post a Fai repair/with fai. I know that there are many in my situation for whom skiing (or what ever their chosen longing may be) will never be reality. We each have ownbattles to fight and we should strive to do the best we can, even if that is just putting one foot in front of the other, and we should not expect the journey to be easy.

There is a quote told to me that I try to use in all asspects  of my life. I was involved in the retraining of my horse whose behavioural issues had spiralled out of control and I was seriously facing retiring  him if retraining did not help. I was reading Buck Brannamans book Believe . In it he mentions St Francis of Assisi's words :

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
With my horse, we started with the necessary being leading in hand training on the ground to help him be a safe horse to be around. Then it became possible to ride him safely for short periods, 9 months later we were riding out alone up Cadbury Camp hill. Something we  thought impossible. 
So it was with my hip recovery. The necessary being the physiotherapy and hydrotherapy to allow me to put one foot in front of the other. And then came the possible of crossing the road on two crutches to sit on a bench to going back to  work and before long doing  what once seemed like impossible, riding my horse and now skiing. 
Taking my skis back to the hire shop this afternoon, walking across the bottom of the ski slope with skiers whizzing down and stopping at the end, grinning, I had to pinch myself that I had done it myself, yes my hip is shouting at me now but I had done it. And don't care if I never manage to do it again. Take it a step at a time. stay on each step as long as you need, above all, be kind to yourself. 

 

 

 

Top of the world, 15th Jan 2015